Find a culprit !

Sometime we have good reasons to feel good or bad and we can say that it is because of something that has just happened to us, bad or good news, the simple fact of being Monday morning for Example or simply the weather outside, sunny and rainy. But there are other times where it’s much less obvious.. even not clear at all :s

Generally when we feel good without having any identifiable reason it’s not a problem to us, we just say that life is beautiful, and we take advantage of it ! On the other hand, when we feels bad without having any « obvious » reason, we tends to look for the cause. Indeed we are convinced that our state is the direct result of « something », even if it is unconscious, and of course we think that by « finding » this « thing » we can solve the « problem » and improve our state, stop feeling bad, our ultimate priority in these moments.

But sometimes it’s not easy to find something ! Not easy at all ! Simply because there is NO reason, we are just in imbalance and our bodies/spirit compensates softly, or brutally if the imbalance is too big… But anyway we seeking for a responsible, inside us by introspection, and outside in the world, or both, we suspect, it’s like an investigation… We need to find a culprit !.. absolutely… To have a chance to feel better. It must also be a decent « candidate », we can’t accuse the silent neighbor that we never sees.. whatever.. if he or she has an identifiable « difference », some will not hesitate :(

If we lives with someone we can easily fall into the trap of making him/her responsible in one way or another, we can make some reproach on details, seek the quarrel, disagree with him/her on everything… It is difficult not to be led to destroy something, a relationship, a love, or any other thing when you are in great imbalance

It can take violent forms, some focus on objects, get upset on things they don’t succeed, on their computer :), or less funny some put themselves in a group to discriminate another one weaker and accuse it in hatred and aggression to be responsible… A French song says that we must « put hatred somewhere » but I do not agree, « hate » is far from being the only « way » to « flow out » the « feel bad ».. fortunately.

Among the Bonobos, monkeys very close to us, there is something similar (it almost look like our caricature) :

    The social organization of bonobos in captivity has a peculiarity. The peace of the group is also maintained by the existence of a scapegoat (or pharmakos). When a group of researchers removed a bonobo injured and struck by the other members of the group, an increase in violence and a decrease in sexuality could be noticed. Conversely, when it was re-integrated into the group, the group’s peace was re-established.

We should not blame our-self too much because it is an « instinctive » reaction to look for a culprit, it is « automatic », primitive, and very difficult to control. Even I, if I get in a great imbalance (which is kind of rare these days), even if I’m very aware that there is nothing to do but to « feel » this pressing « sorrow » and to wait for it to pass, I sometimes find it difficult to reason me, and I sometimes find myself searching among innocent reasons a « responsible » for my « bad » state (it’s so silly, it really annoys me !)

The best proof that a « false guilty thing » has been accused is to realize once the « sorrow » has « passed » that we do not care anymore ! I remember this friend who after a very happy evening party, deeply worried a lot for some friends who just leaved by car (the driver was not drunk), she was imagining the worst scenarios on the road, she was feeling a real « anxiety » and for quite a long time! But the next day… nothing left ! :) She did not even phone to find out if there had a problem, finally she suddenly assumed that everything was all right for them ;) (which was the case ..)

The most classic « false reason » remains in the couple, it is even one of the preconditions in the formation of the couple : to agree on false reasons of argue! A very jealous person will not be able to pair with someone who can not stand jealousy, it’s so obviously that it’s almost silly to say it… A person who becomes violent when he/she is in great imbalance, when he/she has an urgent need for strong « sadness« , will be able to put himself in a couple only with someone who « accepts », or « endures » rather, that :( Whether it is a man or a woman, because men are rather physically violent but there are many women equally extremely violent in their words…

In short, it would be much more objective and it would be much more constructive to identify the « real problems » and find some « good » solutions to them at a time when one would feel good. But.. at this time, we do not want to think about it, at this moment we find that life is beautiful ! ;)

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